I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
