oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Randomize
