got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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