I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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