no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
