The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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