Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
