Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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