i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Randomize
