she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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