UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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