oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
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