Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
