I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Randomize
