I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
25 People Confess The Biggest Betrayal They Have Ever Faced
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
25 Odd Things These Pathetic People Do For Enjoyment
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.