"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?