yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize