well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
