Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
