She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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