Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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