i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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