she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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