Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Randomize
