well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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