Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
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