The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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