I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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