I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
