For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
