You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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