i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
