hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
