We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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