I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
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