I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
