The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
