Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
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