I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
You have to summon your inner elephant
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
