He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
