someone get that fucking seahorse.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
