Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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