she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
