Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
You were trust falling into bushes
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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