Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
