His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
