Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Randomize
