My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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