I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
