My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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