No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
You made out with two different species that night
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Randomize
