well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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