it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
tell your sister to shave her snatch
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Randomize
