it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
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