Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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