What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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