I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
