I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
