Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
