I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
