So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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