I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Midget sex pt 2 tonight
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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