Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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