I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
