508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
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