I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
