Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
i think my mom watched the whole time
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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