I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Randomize
