I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
