screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
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