someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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