Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
