Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Randomize
