I think I died a long time ago.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I just found puke in my bra..
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
