she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
being pregnant is like rehab
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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