You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
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I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
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premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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